- xiaolex* i really wanna be with you

Saturday, September 30, 2006

decided to start trickster after peer pressure. =x
LOLS. so many of ma friends ask me play
i've turned freedom on aud too though
now waiting for most of my friends to turn too
wonder how long will that take.
shall play a little bit of trickster or something
such a bad week for me
LOLS
gonna wasure all the unhappy mono like kenneth!
he's going bian tai on guitar.
BTH! =x
alright. nothing more to update
everything sounds the same
couldn't care less
shouldn't bother more
everything thats karma
mine's now
blame it on my no tolerance(?)
bye world

its just been 1 day, yet it feels like a hundred years

See it ~~thru~~ ma eyes.. 12:46 PM
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Friday, September 29, 2006

i'm okay after a good night sleep!
omg! hahas!
looks like sleeping helps! =)
sleep more. hee
nth to say
enjoy the day world~
^^
congrats to JOY fro graduating! lol.

See it ~~thru~~ ma eyes.. 2:19 PM
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is there a need to do it?
i'm kinda disappointed(?) and sad(?)
i don't know how to feel
i don't know what to feel
if i am not supposed to be there
just tell me
seriously, i didn't know how things got like this
and nope, i do not blame you
somehow i just feel stupid of myself

i don't know what to say now
is this how a friend is treated?
if you hated me
i rather you say so
i'm there because i want to
i'm there because i love you
i'm there because i need you
but must you just do that?
how hurt it was
i felt as though i've lost another friend
it felt as though you didn't want me anymore
yeah, i love you
must you treat someone you don't like as though they are supposed to be there?
its not your fault actually
who ask me like you
but.. but...
suan le.. i'm actually just someone you can't accept

everytime when you need me, i'm always there
but when you have your friends and your love
i'm as though not even worth to be your friend
you don't know how to treat everyone equally
i know this
at least tell me you want play with them only
i'll just go
really. its just
you said lets play together
in the end you left me alone out there
i really don't know what to do
i love you. yet i cannot angry with you
once i do, i may not even have the chance to talk to you
how helpless i was
i guess. your love was never meant to reach out to mine
to him: you better treat her well
since you want me not to distrub you
i guess i shouldn't be that thickskin
i'll wait again till someday you'll want me back again.
i'll keep the memories for now
looks like you and him
yeah. everything sounds couple enough. =)
i've done my part
i'll still be at the back waiting
no matter how much rants i could make

why must it always hurt so much?

See it ~~thru~~ ma eyes.. 1:46 AM
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HAHA
i'm feeling something
my friend say i ought to
but somehow i know i shouldn't feel this way
but it's just me
i know its bad and everything
i mean
who wouldn't if you were in my shoes

but i told myself
what could i have done?
the answer came back
"No. nothing"
i really hate this kinda feeling
i know i must also accept it
i mean its not up to me to decide everything
blame it i'm the active
ya the passive

i feel a little ache inside of me
jealous? o.O
HAHAHA
my friend says i am.

oh well..
just got to leave with it, ain't i?
you better realise her feelings alright!
ah blah~~ blabbering nonsense
tell me what to do now

yesterday i asked many things
they was like no reply to the main thing
i wanted to ask
and so i supposed that was a no
i guess i haven made any progress
i got a feeling
i'm gonna lose it all over again
if only
i knew what to do
if only
i was him

some people does many things, but got nth in the end
some people does nothing and got all the things in the end

See it ~~thru~~ ma eyes.. 12:07 AM
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Thursday, September 28, 2006

got my haircut today
everyone says better
but i think
eeeks.. doesn't look that nice. =(
nth much happened today either
my bendan too popular with guys le ><
cannot guai la hor! =P
yeah
seriously i don't know what to type
asked bendan for supper no reply one
LOL
nbm. one day you'll reply =x LOL
ah. crap
i also lazy post pictures. ><
currently many things through my head
dunno what to process
i wonder what will tmr be
will it be a miracle
or would it be like salt and rice
just like everyday
BENDAN, wo men chu men 1 day can! T.T
hehe~
bah~ seriously... i feel stupid
and erh... helpless? *dang*
shall end
really really....
nvm. =)

yi pu lai. zhong you yi tian, ni hui zhi dao, wo shi zhen xin de

See it ~~thru~~ ma eyes.. 12:26 AM
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Wednesday, September 27, 2006

i've done stupid things
knowing it'll still be the same
but i tried
=P
nth much happened today
joy seems down on mood
awww. sad
so thats where the surprise comes!
joy enjoy ur nice gift
from lex! ^^
LOLS!
oh well. i noe its stupid afterall
something just told me
try try try!
you'll succeed one day
but the decision
all ends up to you
oh well

<3 my bendan joy. LOLS!

See it ~~thru~~ ma eyes.. 5:36 AM
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Tuesday, September 26, 2006

the path
isnt that straight
the road we take will always curve
but the main road will shine
if we hold on strong

that is something call determination
yet there is something call obstacle
its either the obstacle
brings you down
or the determination brings you up
bloggy
which will you choose?
if you were me

there are things that can't be forced
there are things that you need to fight for
some people have the things they want
yet they don't treasure
sometimes they don't even notice
i wonder when will the autumm leaves go
when winter comes

i once thought
when will the winter sun shine on me
to bring me thru this cold
but then i realised
the sun can never keep me warm
its you that kept me warm
its you that kept me strong
since then i wanted to be your sun
shining on you
even on the cold winter day

i wonder if ever
you'll ever like a sun
to be part of your life
or is it
all a dream again?
wake me up when september ends....

watched haunted apartments today.
boring. please don't watch - -
nth much too
caught a pic. shall post it soon. xD
how often u see such errors. HAHA
yeah
till den
my story continues
waiting for that day
i'm 1st in the queue
=)

she loves me, she loves me not
if its your happiness
go for it. ^^

See it ~~thru~~ ma eyes.. 4:19 AM
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Monday, September 25, 2006

so what now?
i'm so confused
don't know what to do
am i doing right?
or am i doing wrong?
i've asked some for advice
all is green light
but
i'm still confused
tell me what to do now?
i ain't sure of anything
is there a way to show what will happen?
do you trust me?
i feel like green light
yet i can't forget about the red light
it's just so wrong
will the red light be forever red light?
or will there be a day
it'll turn to green?

sometimes i feel so stupid
stupid i can't solve a simple question
tell me if one day
the lights will ever change
or is it at the yellow transition
waiting to be green

or all along
it was the green light to begin with
the red light will still be a red light
not wanting me to cross that line
bloggy
if you were me
which light would you choose?
the green?
or the red hoping it'll turn to green someday?

someone, please enlighten me. =(

and these were some pics i promised. =D
AUD PICS~! sorry its all joy. =x LOL!

aud with joy (when i was my banana man) =x

aud with joy (in couple mode)

aud with joy (when we are more pro le) =x

no great mission in aud (i purposely get all bad/cool)

how often you get to be the first to d/l? xD

See it ~~thru~~ ma eyes.. 2:45 AM
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Sunday, September 24, 2006

i'm glad we once met
let our hearts burn
for the ones we truely love
if after a big round
the answer still lies back in the same person
he/she is the one
let love be the one who points
brightening up our life
if love can be this simple
i'll shine you out
of your darkness
walk with you when you feel lonely
understand you when you need someone
showering you with care when you need love
i'll love you
cos i believe
love is you
frenz or no frenz,
aishiteru. =D

shall post some pics later on
and oh
the person referring below
is some i deleted from my hp
and blocked from msn. ^^
irritating
if you really meant sorry
show some sincerity at least
ZZZ
peace`

See it ~~thru~~ ma eyes.. 6:04 PM
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

a penny for my thoughts
i wonder what will happen in the future
somethings are starting to shape now
its my decision
but i wonder will i regret
i always say make a decision that
i wont regret
but the problem is
how you know which decision
wont make you regret

sometimes i feel stupid
getting oh so high
on things that i shouldn't
what more can i do?
a penny for my thoughts

so what do i do now?
should i?
should i not?
what if there's a change
and i missed the chance?
but what if its like what it is
there will never be a change?
hais...

what should i do? =(

ps: to someone (you know who you are):

just live your own life. i do not need you anymore
even as a fren
you're the first person
i'm so pissed with
when you're sad
and i try to cheer you up
write lol you show me attitude
then bite me back
say i show attitude?
as i said
if you don't need my concern
then don't bother stepping over my line
you crossed it
and don't think
'sorry that day i show attitude to you'
will help
how many times have this happen?
i'm being nice concerning you
and this is the shit i get in return?
ask me fuck off?
thanks i will. GLADLY
you sad what
guys broke your heart?
HAHA
you know yourself
you're playing with so many guys
you will short of one?
this is my 3cents worth of thoughts for you
yeah. i have an attitude
rant all you want girl
i need no fren like you in MA LIFE~

peace -`

See it ~~thru~~ ma eyes.. 5:36 AM
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Friday, September 22, 2006

met many new aud friends today again
yep yep
singaporean, malaysian
anything. LOLS~
it was nice meeting them
talk and played together and stuff
oh well..

boring day
ahhh.. dunno wad to blog le
went to jam some songs on the machine [again]
ZZZ
was randoming the songs
drums ext, gp1 ext, gp2(me) ext
guess wad we got 2nd song? under control. WOOOOOO
dead. LOLS
ahhh. i'm freaking bored oh ya
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SK DAO SAO~~
ok back to topic
did nth much either
was deep in thoughts again
dunno why
you keep popping in my mind. ><
argh... T.T
nbm
spent sometime sitting down with shouji with
a gulp and mashed potato in hand
tot shouji some chinese words and stuff
but in return
he taught me alot of japanese
i feel i can make sentences better now
shall learn more~ ^^
japanese is cool. xD
and he even help me decode my japanese name!

from now on...
watashi no onamae wa YOSHITAKA desu yo~
xD lols!
oh well
how i wish you were here with me
to share the laughter i had sometimes
a dream
that will never come true
nights world

hou hui mei ba ni bao jing. shi wang wo wu neng wei li. zhi zhi dao xin li, zhi you ni yi ge.

See it ~~thru~~ ma eyes.. 4:30 AM
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Thursday, September 21, 2006

runaway my fren
run to a place
where its trouble free
run to a place
where you know its happiness
look me in the eye
tell me i'm that happiness
hug me tight
hold me close
tell me
i'm the one

tada~ boring thing i tot up. i'm so bored
went bunk today
finally tried playing there
its EX
but fun
pressure. xD
time = $$
LOLS. shall play some day again. wahahas~
nth to do. helped joy level in aud this afternoon
hmm. met alot new aud friends
ok la. all girls.. but
i got make guy friend can
guess wad
they say dun gay lehs. ZZZZZ
so dun guai me. =P

LOL

hope to make it b4 my bday or at least christmas. =D

See it ~~thru~~ ma eyes.. 2:18 AM
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Tuesday, September 19, 2006

ta da da da
da da da da da da
.....
....
...
..
.
..
...
....
.....
say what you mean
ta da da da
da da da da da da

lols. catchy tune this song. xD
had a super duper uper buber sians day
was so sians that i made it out of the house
and went to ps
ZZZZ
gotta adapt to it

really nth to do
shan't be so emo le. =D
dear lex dear lex.
wad will be will be
the future for us to see
dear lex dear lex.
oh well. i guess you wouldn't even
say hi now. =(
waited 1 day le. T.T

HAHAHA~ as i promised i won't emo
take care dudes and babes
shall update with some nice poems i think later or smth
toodles

shen shen de hai ai zhe ni

See it ~~thru~~ ma eyes.. 9:44 PM
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will you notice
if one day
i'm gone?
will you feel different?
will you feel part of your life taken away?
i wonder how many people
have i made an impact
to their lives
that they will remember me

i'm running thru my life
with the past image zooming pass me
never did i slow down
never did i made a change
i'm feeling terrible
as if i'm going to lose one of my arms
the day have been terrible
without you there
i tried not to care anymore
i kept it at bay
but its as though its a drug
so much i wanted to talk to you
so much i wanted to care
but my voice is hoarse
i'm disappearing every moment
would you notice
that if one day i were to be gone?
if one day you were not to receive my msges
will you feel unease?
will you think of me?
will you think of why i didn't msg you?
or will i be just a thing
that is there if its there
and not there if its not there?

i really miss the old times
i really wanted to go on
but why must things happen
why must you give up on me
why must I give up on you
i really dunno what to do
so much to say
so little people to say to
can i ever feel your warmth again?
even as a fren i treasure?
will you stop by your busy life
and say a hi to me?
i really care
but somehow
my voice won't reach there
i'm suffering deep inside
i need you
but.....
and the story goes on...

somehow, it was as though i've never existed to lots of people
show me what's to love for
tell me you still remember me
tell me i'm still your friend...
tell me i've walked into your life
tell me i've.....
existed

See it ~~thru~~ ma eyes.. 4:11 AM
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Monday, September 18, 2006

audition thru the night till 5.30 liddat.
den chat with ma new friends to 6.30
gosh~
yest was crazy. made 2 new audition friends!
ok actually 3. but chatter with another two.
^^

one is 25 now. lols!
can be my jie le!
another one. GOSH LA!
she's darn cute can! lols
you guys shld have seen the conversation
make me laugh till i wan peng. LOL
she's too blur le. lols!
hald japanese, half singaporean
presenting....
miss yuriko san~
hahas! gosh! talking to her
really can make one laugh like mad
the words she used
and the blurness
OH MY TIAN~
yeah we chatted till abt 6.30 den knock off
i guess today
will be a boring day again
so yada~
oh ya. here's a pic of her. lols!
i'm still laughing over the dumbness ^^

See it ~~thru~~ ma eyes.. 2:12 PM
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Sunday, September 17, 2006

it was all my wishful part
maybe someday
i'll forget everything
waking up afresh
haven been talking for days
jus some casual hi bye

nahs its alright
to me
i shan't think of anything more than that
but i'm more than happy
for at least i pass thru your mind for the night

how i wish
it was last week
playing tgt
chatting tgt
everything seems so lost now
gone

today i went to find you
but you ain't there
you didn't tell me where you were
i waited there
but there was no reply
i tried telling myself a joke
saying things that make me smile
but in reality
the feeling of wanting to see someone so much
really hurts.

please tell me
we're not drifting
i will be waiting

See it ~~thru~~ ma eyes.. 5:21 AM
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Saturday, September 16, 2006

i'm missing you
but do you?

thats random.
bahs. i'm feeling random nowadays.
been walking on my own alot of times
when i go out.
dunno why either
sometimes its your sms that cheers me up
yet i told myself
i must somehow accept the fact
i dont' know how
i dont' know why
sometimes i just wish
we knew each other
not from online
but real friends
time cannot change the past
yet time cannot change the future too
what am i going to do from now on?
my birthday is coming
yet i'm unsure of many stuff
christmas is like 3 months away
yet my christmas wish seems so far away

ah. rantings. =)
shant go on
i'm not gonna make my friends worry!
lex is good alright
currently perfectly my eddie on guilty gear xx. ^^
it still sucks. ><

how wish
somewhat
we can make it before my birthday
or at least christmas
happiness

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight
It's only you and me

: Here Without You - 3 Doors Down

See it ~~thru~~ ma eyes.. 2:14 AM
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Thursday, September 14, 2006

why do people like to judge
i mean yes its normal
but how do you judge someone
before you even know them?

nahs. this is just random
i just don't like the feeling
of being judged at cause of
the way i present
people often say i cool or introvert
but once they knew me
i'm actually damm friendly and siao

met ma von sister
LIKE FINALLY
so long le. lols!
she looks as great as before
prettier IMO ^^
stupid her
went to eat ramen
then my sis
keep say a guy cute
bth. lols!
your brother is as cute can! =x

yeah. catched up with lotsa things
told her many of ma things
she told me hers too
kinda nice day
si joy
saw me nv say hi. =x
ok that was random

ahhhh
its alright
fate, thats what i always say
i learn to look aside
and i'm glad
somehow
it doesn't change the fact
i'm still waiting to see you
tell me when ya ready ^^

ps: i hate people who call me hongster. - - anyway, i dun care too =P

zhen ai nan xun, dan xun dao le, que yong yong bu dao. =(

Ryan Canbera - True

I won't talk
I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
That you belong with me

You might think I don't look
But deep inside the corner of my mind
I'm attatched to you
mmmm

I'm weak, it's true
Cause I'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cause my heart keeps falling faster

[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true

You don't know what you do
Everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move

I'm weak, it's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?

[Chorus]

I know when I go
I'll be on my way to you
The way that's true

[Chorus]

See it ~~thru~~ ma eyes.. 11:39 PM
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words cant explain how much i want to be with you
i'll take it by my stride now
aint no good doing anything
was walking with frenz
and den thinking on my own
i often gave the advice of:
why care so much
for the person who doesn't

but then i think again
who says she doesn't care
yeah as a fren :)
i will too
hahahaha

nahs. nth much nowadays
i've been thinking really lots
like is like
don't like is don't like
now can't force de
its only through actions can things be done
you'll always be my number one
no matter who you are with everyday
no matter how jealous i can get
i still love you
deeply
soundly
quietly
unbroken by anything

wo zai deng zhe ni qian wo de shou. :)

See it ~~thru~~ ma eyes.. 3:48 AM
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Wednesday, September 13, 2006

and i know i'm fighting for something
that is 0.001% possible
sometimes i really wish to run away
to a place where no one see me
yet i cannot
i know i cannot deny my own feelings
i really wish for a happy ending

give me the hands to reach
somewhere i will know
how did it ended up like this
september came
i should have woken up
somehow, i need a medicine
tell me what to do now
everything ain't in the right place
i love you
more than anything
that surface this world
hope you can try too
someday
somehow

getting moodless everyday. went shopping at night with virus. bought 4 shirts. >< damm. i shld be taking these money for a new bag. why did i buy clothes? T.T hais. something ain't right. lex, wake up please! move on! she told you so! ya fucking stubborn. grrrr

you mean more than the sun to me. i just wanna see you once. thats all i ask for now. =(

See it ~~thru~~ ma eyes.. 3:45 AM
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Tuesday, September 12, 2006

there are just some things i cant forget
there are just some things i cant let go
tell me true
tell me so
tell me one day you'll change
just for me
i want you so
i want you here
if only one day
you'll see me more than a friend
you'll see me as someone who's true
someone who will be there
no matter how bad you're gonna be

wo hai shi fang qi bu liao yi qie. =( ni neng ai wo ma?

See it ~~thru~~ ma eyes.. 3:33 AM
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Monday, September 11, 2006

they say
time changes everything
but can it ever change love?
thats something i wanna know

yes.
said the time machine
i can turn from liking you
to not liking you
and i replied
what about not liking you
to liking you?
the time machine went quiet

sometimes i really want to give up
yet my heart tells me not so
and so i wont

some people may not do a single thing
and got it
some people may do everything in the world
and not get it
i guess thats fate

spent my sunday kinda alone.
wasnt in the mood for many things
i just dunno why
maybe its just me
i really missed those times
we're drifting
and i don't want to see this
=(
i want miracle
if only i'm a little better than now
seems like good things doesn't last forever
seems like all good things have ended once again
i need someone
if only..

love me someday, i won't be giving up cause you've taken my heart away right from the start. you said who knows what will happen tomorrow or the future. and i certainly hope its light. good friends from the start, i need your love to get me by. will it ever change? i hope so. good friends, better friends, best friends. at least i'm contented to be best friends after all these though deep in me, i wanted more. =( it'll come.. stay strong lex. ._.

See it ~~thru~~ ma eyes.. 1:03 AM
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Sunday, September 10, 2006

yet another meangingless post. i've just blogged and i wonder why i have so many things to say. - -" i just feel like talking to somebody. but everyone's gone. so many things to start from. hais.
ps: use encoding Unicode(UTF-8) if you cant read the chinese words which appears like *@#&*@#.
View > Encoding > Unicode(UTF-8)

-----------------

its just like the temperature of the day
it can be hot
it can be cold
sometimes the weather just changes
just like how heaven wants so

i wonder if there are things you remember
the laughters that we once bear
i really cannot lose you
you're just like another heart of mine

it has been months
since we hit off this well
and i knew somehow or rather
good things will swell

its all my made up feelings
but i wonder when will all these turn true
don't you even feel a thing?
after so many things happen just in a blink
tell me that love was meant to be
now thats its you and me
you may not feel the same
but at least say its not only my name

how can i make you love me
just the same way me loving you
don't leave me outside all alone
with me talking to my clone
i want be with you every single second
holding your hands in my hands
thats the way i wanna be
just you and me
from dawn to dusk
and dusk to dawn

let me touch your heart
let yourself indulge in mine too
is it really so that impossible
that none of the things we did
made it possible
i just need one chance
and give yourself one too
for i assure you
my feelings will forever be true

please, make my wish come true
for i'll be waiting for you
now matter how many rejections there may be
i'll still remain yours
just plainly because

i really do

-----------------

我真的好想你。
好想抱你在我怀里。
为什么总是要我一个人面对这世界，
苦苦的等待。
但如果那真的是你的选择，
我也只好自知之明。

我真的好爱好爱你。 =(

不要放弃我，
不要放弃爱，
好吗？

----------------

i guess it'll never get true
please, no troubles come find me this week
i need peace
i just hope, you can be here with me
thats all the thing i only want
not money
not games
not anything
just you here with me
i really miss you. =(
nites world... hais..

-----------------

i've been re-reading and re-reading the msg you send. i want to believe it aint true. but somehow, i gotta face reality. is it really 0%? i know i'm selfish and stubborn. but i really can't take it. hais

See it ~~thru~~ ma eyes.. 2:56 AM
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i wonder how long will it takes
seriously i don't know what to feel
of cause its happy la
but...
LOL!

tell me what more can i do
tell me how
tell me why
will this take forever?
or has there been changes

the sun is said to be rising fromt the west about thousand years later.
even this big miracle is happening.
i wonder when will mine happen
give me a chance
and you'll want more
girl, we could make this last forever

let me be your boy. ilu. do you feel the same too? =(

See it ~~thru~~ ma eyes.. 12:27 AM
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Saturday, September 09, 2006

was on da phone with joy till like 7am this morning? HAHA! 6.40 to be exact. before we play aud i told her pei me chatted till dawn. she was like !!!!!! *I&*@# hahas. den we went play aud. something cropped up. den nv play le. how sad. LOLS. in the end we chatted. blah blah blah~ den i see time. WAAA! 6.30 le! lols. how fast. 3 hrs gone just like that. she wanted sleep so we went to sleep.

den 12pm my father say. eh u want go buy ur zen not. want now wake up. lols. bo bian. wake up den go marina with dad. THANKS FOR DA ZEN! LOVE YOU DAD! ^^ den go ps. clear some things off. and slacked the whole day thru. i realise my eddie using isnt that of standard that. must improve. T.T nbm. shall end. ><

the rose withers
the sun set
rivers change
a new generation

no matter how long it takes
you'll be ma no 1
this i promise you
i'm so so so so
into you. =)
wanna pei u everyday
without any complains
just plain simple happiness
thats all i ask. ^^

i'm glad things are still fine. i don't want this to end, girl

See it ~~thru~~ ma eyes.. 3:18 AM
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Friday, September 08, 2006

the world is getting darker
life will never be the same
everyday i'm in deep thoughts
when will this ever end

i want to see the light
i want to reach the end of the tunnel
hand in hand
you and me
we'll make it through

be my love
be my girl
be my everything
because to me
you are my everything

i'll stay on
hoping you'll realise
even its from afar
that i'm true
day after day
this goes on
till the day
my fake rose wither

girl, you are my everything
the world
the sun
the earth
as long as i have my breath and voice
i'll gladly say

i love you. =)

Your golden opportunity lies in yourself. Not through the environment, not in luck or in chance or in others. It lies in yourself alone.

i'll make it through
till the day you say
i love you too. =D

be my joy, be my laughter. i am a want you!

See it ~~thru~~ ma eyes.. 12:17 AM
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Thursday, September 07, 2006

no matter how strong a person can be, love can bring someone down. hmm. cueyi san~ seems to be the right person to confide to. xD waa. she really hit the nail when she say, if you wan say you will say, i need not bug you. xD woo~ she's a nice girl. poor thing her *ahem* now everyday chiong sua. xD

oh well. will be going out. everyday's a new day, everyday's a new miracle. i'll be waiting till u seriously meant it to meet or smth. ^^ (>'.')> <(^.^<)

i want to be your listening ear. i want you to trust me. i want you to be happy. i want to be there whatever you do. i want you to really smile from your heart. i want you confide in me. i want to solve your problems. i want you. =)

See it ~~thru~~ ma eyes.. 2:16 PM
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i realised finally.

loving someone isnt really just about being with him/her. yes. you may have the title of girlfriend/boyfriend. but that alone wad it does?

to me. i realised loving someone is really seeing her happy and thats all. whether she likes you back or she appreciates it doesnt really matter. seriously, all i want is see you happy and that ya troubles free from the heart.

i may not have seen you in real life before (just like the lakehouse =P) but to me, those times we spent talking and fooling arnd on msn and sms-es are way too good for me already. not that i do not want to be attached, but somehow its your freedom. i don't know if one day you'll give me that chance to be tgt not, but to me. yesterday was some of the best memories i could ever ask for.

yes indeed sometimes i'm jealous of stuff. like how come ppl have that good fate to blah blah with u and stuff. but somehow or rather, i'm kinda contented that you still treat me well. awww... seriously, seeing you LOL, ROFL, HAHA is the best i can do now. its your choice whether to meet me or not, but its my choice to love you till the day u give me the chance to be really with you. =) till the day, i'll say. i don't love you. i love you even more. =)

mushy post i noe. but i just wanna say. its me. =) xD thanks for everything. ^^

i love you. i really do. if one day, you have no one to support on, i'll be there still waiting even if i'm the last on your list. =)

See it ~~thru~~ ma eyes.. 2:06 AM
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Wednesday, September 06, 2006

kinda light hearted these days and stuff.

i'm glad you told me your troubles. though i never help much but i bet u feel better after saying so many things out. =) haiyo. somethings are like that. wont say much here. just felt nice hearing you out and helping you.

THIS ALSO APPLIES TO ALL MY FRIENDS K!

as the time goes on i realised. the only way to touch a person's heart is to never give up. if you really love someone, no matter how long it is, its worth the wait. seriously. when you kana rejected or smth. u give straight away and stuff. is that period you say u like that someone really true? or you just want to get the person's body?

thought for the day: its always the unexpected comes and the expected leaves - lex

true? hahas. toodles world

i really am true. but how true is true? i guess thats for me to prove

See it ~~thru~~ ma eyes.. 4:09 AM
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Tuesday, September 05, 2006

was reading joy's blog entry. this really suits me instead. i wonder why is she posting. >< LOLS. so here goes. its so so same as how i feel la! however, ignore the come to my hse with that blouse and the remember we kissed. it'd never happen. >< hahas. oh well. somehow 90% of the lyrics is really happening and its how i feel. blah blah~

i'm still here. waiting and waiting. just like i always do. hoping 1 day, you'll have a change of heart. someday you'll say maybe we can work it out.

when the going gets tough, all i want you to know, that i'll be here, cheering you on. whatever problems or sadness you may have, i just want you to noe, i'll be here always, listening and helping u solve it. i just want to see that smile on your face that suits you best girl. =)

And I do miss you
I just thought we were meant to be
I guess now, we'll never know
The only thing I want is for you to be happy
Whether it be with me, or without me
I just want you to be happy

AVIATION - YOU WERE MY EVERYTHING
[Talking:]
This goes out to someone that was
Once the most important person in my life
I didn't realize it at the time
I can't forgive myself for the way I treated you so
I don't really expect you to either
It's just... I don't even know
Just listen...

You're the one that I want, the one that I need
The one that I gotta have just to succeed
When I first saw you, I knew it was real
I'm sorry about the pain I made you feel

That wasn't me, let me show you the way
I looked for the sun, but it's raining today
I remember when I first looked into your eyes
It was like God was there, heaven in the skies

I wore a disguise 'cause I didn't want to get hurt
But I didn't know I made everything worse
You told me we were crazy in love
But you didn't care when push came to shove

If you loved me as much as you said you did
Then you wouldn't have hurt me like I ain't shit
Now you pushed me away like you never even knew me
I loved you with my heart, really and truly

I guess you forgot about the times that we shared
When I would run my fingers through your hair
Late nights, just holding you in my arms
I don't know how I could do you so wrong

I really wanna show you I really need to hold you
I really wanna know you like no one else could know you
You're number one, always in my heart
And now I can't believe that our love is torn apart

[Chorus:]
I need you and
I miss you and
I want you and
I love you 'cause
I wanna hold you,
I wanna kiss you
You were my everything
And I really miss you [2x]

I knew you gonna sit and play this with your new man
And then sit and laugh as you're holding his hand
The thought of that just shatters my heart
It breaks in my soul and it tears me apart

At times we was off I was scared to show you
Now I wanna hold you until I can't hold you
Without you, everything seems strange
Your name is forever planted in my brain

Damn it, I'm insane,
Take away the pain
Take away the hurt
Baby, we can make it work

What about when you
Looked into my eyes
Told me you loved me
As you would hugged me

I guess everything you said was a lie
I think about it, it brings tears to my eyes
Now I'm not even a thought in your mind
I can see clearly, my love is not blind

[Chorus x2]

[Talking:]
I just wish everything could have turned out differently
I had a special feeling about you
I thought maybe you did too
You would understand, but...
No matter what, you'll always be in my heart
You'll always be my baby

Our first day, it seemed so magical
I remember all the time that I had with you
Remember when you first came to my house?
You looked like an angel wearing that blouse

We hit it off, I knew it was real
But now I can't take all the pain that I feel
Reach in your heart, I know I'm still there
I don't wanna hear that you no longer care

Remember the times? Remember when we kissed?
I didn't think you would ever do me like this
I didn't think you'd wanna see me depressed
I thought you'd be there for me, this I confess

You said you were my best friend, was that a lie?
Now I'm nothing to you, you're with another guy
I tried, I tried, I tried, and I'm trying
Now on the inside it feels like I'm dying

[Chorus x2]

[Talking:]
And I do miss you
I just thought we were meant to be
I guess now, we'll never know
The only thing I want is for you to be happy
Whether it be with me, or without me
I just want you to be happy

See it ~~thru~~ ma eyes.. 4:12 AM
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Sunday, September 03, 2006

mood: depressed
song: forget it..

girls...
i really don't get them sometimes.

well, most of the time actually.

- knnth

true. same to me. lotsa things happened to me today for no rhyme or reason. suddenly you're gone. just like that and i wonder why. so all along all these are for nth? you never know how the world crashed on me when my meii said i've been blocked. thanks a million for that. i feel worthless. so much for everything. all i get is that when you got yours.

seriously, i should be hating you. i should fuckily throw my temper. but how come. why. i just couldn't bring myself to it. instead i'm still trying to find the reason aimlessly wishing i could do smth to amend it. tell me, is this stupidity or wad? why do you had to leave this way? is even friendship so hard to maintain? you really crushed my world. totally to nth. and lex, ya a baka that shed a single tear for love. you swore never to do but that single tear rolled down. blame it on listening to forever love and endless rain.. =(

Forever Love - X Japan
I can't walk on my own any more
The winds of time are too strong
Ah, I should be used to
Getting hurt, but now...

Ah, just like this,
Hold my still damp heart
If unchanging love can exist
In these constantly changing times,

Will you hold my heart,
And catch my tears?
All my heart feels like it will break

Forever Love Forever Dream
Oh, tell me why
Only flowing emotions
Intensely and painfully fill these times

All I see is blue in my heart

Will you stay with me
As long as the wind blows?
All my tears overflow again

Forever Love Forever Dream
Stay by me, just like this
Holding my heart that shakes in the dawn
Oh stay with me

Ah, I wouldn't mind if everything were to end
In this night without end
Ah, I would lose nothing
All I have is you

Ah, will you stay with me
As long as the wind blows?
I don't want anyone else by my side

Forever Love Forever Dream
I can't walk any further
Oh, tell my why Oh, tell me true
Teach me the meaning of life

Forever Love Forever Dream
Within the flowing tears
Until the shining seasons change into eternity
Forever Love

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a nice lyric from endless rain [translated]
Days of joy, days of sadness slowly pass me by.
As I try to hold you, you are vanishing before me.
You're just an illusion.
When I am awake, my tears have dried in the sands of sleep.
I'm a rose blooming in the desert.

It's a dream, I'm in love with you.
Hold me warmly in your arms.
I awake from my dream
I can't find my way without you

The dream is over.
I can no longer hear the voice of your gentle words.
Floating off tear stained walls.
So awakening in the morning, I'll move into my dreams ...
until I can forget your love.

these 2 songs really describe everything.. sadly they make me shed a single tear for you. you left without a word on 030906. a memory to remember..

as you indulge in your happiness and love, you left me alone, walking this stretch all alone. why did you do this to me? why? am i not even the mark of a friend of yours to at least say bye when you leave? can't even have a relationship of friends? i really really am puzzled. this is so not you..

See it ~~thru~~ ma eyes.. 9:38 PM
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i'm gonna drown. seriously. wake me up from this dream. its september already. the distance. cant it get closer anymore? i feel so distant. why?

was kinda down when you mentioned something. it made you think a whole lot. wad if i were to tell you something that was always in ma heart too? will be make you ponder? or will it still be the same 2 months ago? will it even make you stop and consider?

somethings cannot be explained thru words. yet somehow how i wish i could just tell you everything. but i'm just another ordinary guy whom is just another part and parcel of your life. i really want to say. but my throat is dry.

i tried to say goodbye and i choke
tried to runaway but i stumbled
though i tried it, its clear

i can feel everything about you
the smiles, the sadness
the troubles, the pain
yet there's something i'll never get
your heart

tell me its not true

i'm really lost. shld i or shld i not. gamble it away? if only question can be answered thru throwing of a dice. it's hard typing a smile when deep in my heart, its just plain confusion.

[ SILENT JEALOUSY - X JAPAN ]

it feel like i'm the last on the list

See it ~~thru~~ ma eyes.. 5:08 PM
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*editted post*

mood: dun ask me
song: dun ask me

dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me .

i shall recover soon. its never meant to be. and since there's no intention i guess i'm just trying to make a burst balloon filled with gas.

没想到还是一样的结局

looks like my birthday wish and christmas hope will not come true again this year.

its always so near yet so far. i've been wondering why is there an intention yet it looks like there's no interest? i'm really really confused and puzzled. i guess i'll never make it there. the road seems to foggy to continue. but i'll slowly stumble past it and hope i'll reach the exit soon and find that you're at it.

bored . neglected . hurt

真的很想和你在一起。牵着手、一起走下去。希望这个梦会实现。

See it ~~thru~~ ma eyes.. 2:23 AM
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Saturday, September 02, 2006

mood: emotional
song: Endless Rain - X Japan

i dun expect an apology from you. it'll be like asking 10million bucks. u own it to eileen.

ok. shant go to that topic. finished watching X Japan - The Last Live concert on my comp. damm. its so emotional. hais... was watching and i almost felt like crying. its like i know its just a video. but the love from the fans, the feeling everyone gave for this last concert. its just too much to take. >< X JAPAN LIVES ON IN MA HEART. =)

today really nth much. nv go to the beach party. sorry nic. when i saw ur call and sms. it was like 8 or 9? =x LOLS. hais. today really failed day. meant to ah. nbm. shant say much. just a...

note to self: lex must not repeat his mistakes. dun go to far lex. u'll end up being the dumb on in the end. take things slowly if it meant to be. you tried, cannot, wait for it being asked instead since you cant force. i'll be waiting till you agree. =P sorry for being kinda buggy this few days too. i just cant really control not knowing how's ur day. >< i hope someday, it'll be the opposite where u ask me how's my day instead. ^^

I see red
I see blue
But the silver lining gradually takes over
When the moring begins
I'll be in the next chapter
[ The Last Song - X Japan ]

I awake from my dream
I can't find my way without you
Endless Rain, let me stay ever more in your heart
Let my heart take in your tears, take in your memories

Endless Rain, fall on my heart, kokoro no kizu ni
Let me forget all of the hate, all of the sadness
[Endless Rain - X Japan ]

i love you, really i do. <3

See it ~~thru~~ ma eyes.. 4:52 AM
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Friday, September 01, 2006

mood: happy. =)
song: i wanna be with you - jill

lex shall be the happiest guy for the day. i tink i can finally sleep. hee. i feel so relax now. i hope thats where the holidays come. =) seriously all i wish is love and peace. i shall fight for it. ^^

shant care abt the matter no more. all that matters is my friends stay happy and to hear her. =) its been 1 day since i last heard frm her. =( and she finally replied! =) hahas. i just dunno why. she brighten up day so easily. hahas. [ and honey, dun tink too much k. u did it at times too. =) ]

hahas. somehow or rather i din expect that call. hahas. chatted for sometime before her hp want no batt le. den hang le. damm. my bro wants me go krunk! tml. but i got things in plan. hais... how to satisfy both world? i've been thinking. T.T dun go, my bro not happy i feel bad. but tml the only chance i guess. how? i will not hais le. lex is the happiest guy for da day! ^^ come what may tml. =x i'll let nature take its course. =)

to ruby meii: i may not know the whole thing. but do wad u feel its right for u k? as i always say. do things that u wont regret. no point saying and saying i miss you. kor will always help u if u need my help. but kor oso want you to fight for your happiness k? hurts me to see u down too. >< alright? and take care. your body is weak these few days. <3

for all that believe, thank you very much for standing by me. you guys made my day 50%. =) another 50%. wahahas!

See it ~~thru~~ ma eyes.. 4:15 AM
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